Through The Pain
by TurnItUp03
Summary: M/M. Dealing with being bullied in high school, Brady Fuller can't take it anymore. He moves to the city to start a new life. Facing the ups and downs of his career, friends, and publicity. But there is one thing he wants that he cant have, Jacob


**Through The Pain**

**A/N: First things first, I came up with this idea of writing a story about Brady Fuller dealing with all of the ups and downs of living as a gay man who loves Jacob Black, someone he can't have. The story is based on the song that I've grown to love by the late Lisa "Left-eye" Lopes [May she RIP] called "Through The Pain feat. Claudette Ortiz and Ryan Toby." So enjoy… hopefully.**

**P.S. I'm still finishing the next chapter for ****"A Weird Kind Of Love" and hopefully post it by tonight, if not tomorrow.**

I couldn't bare the thought of having him reject me, but he did. He made it look way too easy, and it sent a clamping pain on my heart. I gave him my everything, and he stepped all over it without a hint of affection. That's what hurt the most. He broke my heart, he broke my spirit, but yet, I can't find it in me to hate him; in fact I still loved him. I guess you can say that I will love him even through the pain.

I've grown up on the reservation of La Push, and I am an openly gay man since the eight grade, and I embraced the conflict along with it. Being teased all through the years of school by a simple homophobic slander, in fact that's all there were. I was constantly in despair, hoping that one day I would find my night in shining armor, but he never came. I only had one friend, and that was Kim, the only one who understood how difficult it was for me to make an appearance at La Push High. I at first loved school, but after the constant slurs towards me about my sexuality, it became unbearable. I was becoming suicidal.

My only excuse to show my face there was that certain someone. Jacob Black. I knew I would never have a chance with him, but even the sight of him was like a drug. Even though he associated with the group that made my life miserable, I still wanted to see him at my risk. It became too painful for me to bare, to the point I didn't want to see him anymore. Even though he wouldn't join in on Paul and Jared's inappropriate comments, I still couldn't help to want the one person I knew I couldn't have.

It was incident that pushed me out of the reservation. I thought maybe after graduation, I would try and at least talk to Jacob, and hopefully he would give me a chance. But I was wrong, once again. I remember a week before graduation; I was walking down the hallway to my next class. That was until the encounter with Jared, Paul, and Jacob. I knew I wouldn't get out of this, they've beaten me before, but I would shrug it off, it became a disgusting routine for me. But there they were, standing in front of me. Glaring me down, and if looks could kill, I'd be six feet under ground by now. I tried to avoid the conflict, but they wouldn't let me escape. Without any explanation, Paul's fist collided with my right cheek, causing me to fall on the floor and curl into fetal position. I couldn't remember much of the mumbled outbursts from Paul and Jared as the continued to plow their fists towards me, and soon kicking me at every angle, but I would catch the regular 'You're dead faggot.' Or 'You're a disgusting excuse for a human-being.' Jacob just stood in his 6'2" stance with his arms crossed, with his head turned.

I tried my best not show weakness, but the tears continued to flow. By the time they both walked away, my face was bruised and cut, bleeding from my cuts and from my mouth. The only thing I could taste was blood; the only thing I could feel was pain all over my body. I looked up at Jacob, wondering why he was still towering above me. I thought maybe he was going to help me once Paul and Jared were out of sight, but he didn't. He left with saying the one thing that hurt.

"Stop staring at me freak!"

With that, I couldn't take it anymore. It was either stay and continue a life of living hell, or do something about it and leave this hellhole. So that's what I did. I left. I packed my bags, and left that night for Seattle. I chose not to look back. Of course I missed my graduation, but I didn't care, I passed every class and was approved to receive my dogwood, and graduation certificate. So I wasn't worried, they would just mail it to my mom back home.

I settled for the city for about two years. I met my new friend Rosalie Hale here; she brought me in when I seemed lost out of thought. I don't know why she felt pity for me that day I arrived at the agency for her independent business of representing actors and actresses making it in the business.

Clueless of where I was going to stay, I ended up in a shelter, trying to find a job, handing out my resume to anyone hiring, hoping to at least make enough money to find my own place, then see what happens from there. That was until two days after I was starting to regret my decision; Rose called me for an interview.

The day of my interview, I became hopeful, I had to get this job. I wore my black dress shirt, with the matching blue tie, and suited pants with my tuxedo shoes. My mom bought it for me for my graduation, but seeing how I bailed, I figured I would put it into good use. I entered the six-story building that displayed the business' name in big letters above the entrance that said **Hale & McCarty Entertainment.** I figured I would least have the chance at this, after all it was a receptionist slash assistant, and my qualifications seemed to fit the requirements. So I walked in with what confidence I could build, sitting next to the rest of the candidates as the outgoing receptionist advised me to. I glanced around to see that there were two other guys and four girls hoping for the same position I wanted.

"Brady Fuller?" The receptionist led me to the boardroom at the end of the hallway, me being the last one to be interviewed.

I entered to see the president, Rosalie Hale and the vice-president, Emmett McCarty greet me with a handshake and a smile. I returned the gesture and took my seat as the told me to, already beginning my interview. I answered every question with a kind manner and with profession. I figured I did well, and they thanked me, letting me know they will contact me as soon as they made the decision.

It was a day after before Emmett contacted me. I was summing up to my last dollars, I needed this job, and I hoped it was good news. Before I could greet with a simple hello, he congratulated me on the position, and asked if I could meet them within an hour. So I did.

The moment of entering the same boardroom as the day before, they both welcomed me with a handshake and a simple greet "Welcome to the team." The receptionist gave me a weeks training before leaving to go back to school. Once I perfected the tasks, I began researching apartments. The lack of available and affordable apartments was driving me crazy. I wanted to get out of the shelter, that was until Rose and Emmett became familiar with my living situation, insisting I move in with them until I was back on my feet. So I did, until a month later being able to come across an apartment that was in my price range, and luckily, it was close to the office.

About three weeks into the job, I was becoming accustomed to my daily tasks, running errands for my fellow employees, but mainly for Rose and Emmett. Until one fateful day of being one of the only ones in the office, other than a few co-workers answering phone calls and attending conference calls. Seth Clearwater, famous actor/ entrepreneur called in for Rose or Emmett for an emergency plea of advice on a certain deal. Since they were low on employers, they couldn't seem to find someone to take on their lower paid actors while they focused on Seth, but that day they couldn't be there for Seth because Emmett was preparing some guy for a movie, and Rose was meeting some hopeful clients in Los Angeles.

So I gave the best advice I could, he wasn't sure when his flight to Vancouver, Canada was for the film he was shooting in a couple days. I let him know that I will try to figure things out. I knew somewhat of Rose and Emmett's schedule, so at least I knew what to do in an emergency like this. The flight wasn't booked yet, and it worried me, maybe they forgot dealing with all chaos of managing more than they thought they could handle. So I took it into my own hands and called the production company to confirm the day when shooting the movie started, then booking Seth's flight, and another one for either Rose or Emmett to accompany him. I then booked separate rooms with the hotel franchise the company usually dealt with, then calling Rose and Emmett to remind them about it, leaving a voicemail, and letting them know that everything was taking care of, and all they needed to do was make sure one of them had to be back the next day.

It was that night when Rose called me, explaining that her and Emmett couldn't make it back, and felt bad for abandoning Seth in his time of need. But they called him and apologized and volunteered me to accompany him, with pay. So I agreed. I've never been to Vancouver, and I've never been fully acquainted with the celebrity. I packed that night and met Seth at the airport early in the morning.

I clearly remember that day, walking into airport to the private gate of Seth's private jet. I approached the two bodyguards and introduced myself, showing my company tag and let them know that I was the one accompanying Seth. They escorted me to meet him, entering the luxurious aircraft, seeing the caramel colored skin man sitting on a lazy-boy texting or fiddling with his phone. I introduced myself, and let him know that I was there to take on Rose's tasks until she arrived in a week.

The whole conversation to Vancouver was interesting, explaining how he got to where he was. He gained interest in acting at a young age, and growing up in Seattle, taking on the roles of a few commercials and then finding Rose and Emmett to represent him when he landed his first big movie role. The rest was history. He seemed very grounded for an eighteen year old, and down to earth. One of the most interesting people I've met. I explained my situation, well some of it, excluding the fact of my sexuality. At that time, I didn't think it was necessary to bring up the topic; I didn't want to freak him out.

The entire week, I felt like I was actually achieving something in my life. I became good friends with Seth, and he actually asked for my number so we could keep in contact. After Rose showed up, she came with a surprise I would never expect. She offered me the position of managing Seth till his movie was complete, seeing how she was signing new clients to her agency, and she needed to set them off into publicity. I kindly accepted and looked forward to the rest of the next few months with Seth's welcoming personality.

I've bonded with Seth, and we became closer than we expected. I grew to start falling in love with him, but he was in a relationship with a girl he grew up with. I just seemed to confuse him more. So I did the best thing I could think of, I told him it would never work, he deserved to be happy, and she could do that for him, and besides, I told him I won't date any clients, hopefully lessening the blow, not just for him, but mostly for me.

After the movie was done, I was done. I was flying back to Seattle and went apartment hunting when I got back, actually looking for a loft, or a bigger place, seeing how now I could afford it. I found one, and continued to represent the clients that Rose and Emmett needed assistance with. I then helped out Edward Cullen with a film in Los Angeles, so I had to travel with him for a movie for a month. I became friends with him too, and his wife Isabella Cullen. After the constant travelling back and forth to Los Angeles for the next two years, I decided to finally move there and represent the clients that lived there too.

Still well acquainted with Rose and Emmett, I was invited to their long awaited and anticipated wedding. So that involved me going back to Seattle and be a part of their wedding party. I was a groomsmen, and congratulated the couple for finally tying the knot. They both asked me to stay a couple days to run the business while they went on their honeymoon. So I agreed. They explained that they signed a new client and they wanted me to make sure he was comfortable with the environment.

The moment that shifted my new lifestyle happened that day. I walked into the office, and ordered the receptionist to inform me when the new client arrived. He kindly notified me that he was already in the boardroom waiting for me. I thanked him and went to my office to make a few calls before I went into my meeting.

I walked into the boardroom to see someone sitting in the leather office chair filling out forms on the table. I could only see the top of his head and his hands extended across the table.

"Hi, I'm Brady Fuller, and I'll be part of the team that represents you from now on, of course along with Mr. and Mrs. McCarty." I extended my hand out to shake his when he turned around and stood up.

It was Jacob Black. I stood there in shock, and so did he. I had no clue what to say next. I didn't want to let my hatred for him interfere with my profession. So I sat across from him and explained the contract he was about to sign. I didn't bring up the past, but he stared across from me, watching me scan through the papers in a file I was creating for him. I had no idea that he wanted to be an actor. I would often catch him staring at me while I was filling the last of the contract, signing what needed to be signed. Then he finally spoke.

"Are you going to be representing me when I do movies?"

As much as I didn't know if I was, I wanted to, but I answered with a quick no. "I represent the clients in LA, and I would hardly be here in Seattle to take upon that task."

He replied with a simple 'oh.' I couldn't help but gloat silently in his disappointment. I wanted nothing to do with him anymore, and I was going to make sure that happened, that was until I reviewed his schedule. His first gig was a commercial in Los Angeles, and a role that required him to stay in LA for a couple weeks. So I was doomed to be in his presence until then.

After explaining his requirements for his dedication to the agency, we prepared him for the flight back to LA. I didn't want him staying at my place, so I booked him a room at one of the hotels we associated with. What made it worse was that I had to accompany him with everything, including escorting him to his room. He seemed to be enjoying that I had to make sure he was taken care of, and it pissed me off.

I called Rose and Emmett as soon as they got back into the office and let them know that I couldn't take upon representing Jacob in any further future roles that was giving to him in LA. They of course asked me why, and I finally explained the situation and how I was treated back in high school. They understood and respected my request.

I finished the last week of my assignment before sending Jacob back to Seattle in a private jet. I explained that Emmett was going to meet him at the airport to pick him up, probably the second longest conversation we had. He thanked me, and I explained it was a part of my job.

"No really Brady, I appreciate everything you've done for me." He held a bag on his shoulder tucking a hand in his back pocket; extending is hand out to shake mine.

I reached out mine to return the gesture, almost letting my guard down. The same feelings from high school were returning. "Yeah…" it was all I could say before getting ready to see him off.

"Brady? Wait." He stood at the gate, dropping his bags, and walked towards me. "I have something to say."

"Jacob, don't."

"I know you hate me, and I understand that. But I need to apologize for the way I treated you in the past, I should've stood up for you." I stood in front of him in shock. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but I hope someday you do."

"You should go." It took the best of me to push him away again; I still felt that he didn't deserve the satisfaction. So he left and waved goodbye. I waved back.

That night. The feeling of rejection, the feeling of wanting someone I couldn't have made me more vulnerable. I've been working my ass of to get past that, and now it was returning. I balled my eyes out the entire night, not even getting a minute of sleep. Then I turned to music, the one song that actually helped me, and now it sort of fit.

_Borrowed Time_

_I feel the same_

_Yes in my eyes_

_It'll never change_

_You'll always be my sunshine_

_Lasting through my rain_

_True will never die_

_Real love is here to stay_

_Even through the pain_

I hated that I still was in love with him. I hated that I wanted so much to tell him how strong my feelings for him, but I couldn't help but to think of the painful words he said to me the day I left.

It's been a couple months since Jacob went back, and Rose and Emmett still kept their word when they agreed to my proposal to not be around him. I was more into making sure that Edward was getting the publicity, and getting his younger sister Alice into the business, as they both asked me too. So my hands were full with making sure they got work, and to make sure we both were being paid.

After drowning my thoughts in my career, I was surprised by a visit from Rose and Emmett. Apparently they were in town to spend time with me, but soon I realized the real meaning of there sudden appearance. They planned a surprise birthday party, my 22nd birthday. It's been four years since I've been home, and my mom missed me, and I missed her. I decided that after the party I would take some time to go visit her.

The party wasn't like anything I expected. Emmett and Rose rented out a club for a night and invited everyone we knew, but Jacob, he was still shooting a movie, and I was actually happy about that. I was greeted and hugged by Edward, Bella, Alice, Rose, Emmett, and Seth. I was glad he was there, it's been long since the last time I seen him. We all conversed and caught up with each other, still being greeted by some familiar people, and by most I haven't met. I was happy, being with the friends that have always been there for me.

I was soon presented with a cake as long as six feet wide and three feet across. I couldn't believe it; I was shocked of how much effort was put into this. They sang me happy birthday and handed me gifts. Edward and Bella surprised me with a plane ticket back home, it's as if they knew what my plan was, and I thanked them both with a hug. Alice gave me $500 gift certificate to some expensive clothing store, "when you get back, we are so going to buy you a new wardrobe." I chuckled at her determination. Then Seth handed me a small jewelry box, I opened it to find a pendant in the shape of a halo, and the word –Angel- below it. I admit it was corny, but he explained that I was somehow fit the part. He explained that I was always there for him when he needed me, seeing how I was just a phone call away; he said that I've changed his life a lot. So I thanked him with a hug.

Emmett and Rosalie's gift was what surprised me the most. They both stood up on the stage and asked the DJ to make a speech.

Emmett cleared his throat while he held the microphone, his other hand intertwined with Rosalie's while she held a mic too. "May I have your attention," it took a few moments before the crowd died down in silence. "Brady Fuller. The man we're here to honor and celebrate with, has giving my wife and I what we deserved. We built an empire in our business, and he came along unexpectantly and changed things for the good. Even though it wasn't his intentions to interfere, we're both glad he did. We both were caught up with our work and completely forgot that we had to bring Seth to a movie up in Vancouver, that's when Brady took matters into his own hands and made life easier on us, even though it could risk his job, he made sure Seth was taking care of, and we couldn't thank him enough." Everyone applauded for Emmett's heartfelt speech, including me. The Rose held the microphone to her mouth, preparing to speak.

"Brady?" She looked over towards me. "The day you showed up in that boardroom, there was something about the way you presented yourself that made me feel that you were capable of doing anything, that you had potential. When I was convinced that you were the one to fit the position, Emmett and I didn't hesitate to call you. From the moment we met you, life has been easier, and I feel honored to have been there for you as much as you are there for us." She then paused and started to pay attention to the crowd. "So… when Emmett and I said our vows, we changed the name of the company to just. McCarty Entertainment. But today, we decided that McCarty Entertainment still didn't feel right. So we discussed that this business, this empire, this legacy of ours is just as much as ours as it is Brady's, so as of tonight, McCarty Entertainment, shall be known as McCarty & Fuller Productions. "

With that, to my surprise and shock of this, everyone screamed and shouted in excitement. I was the new vice president to a company. I was ecstatic, and beyond disbelief that I was finally accepted. I knew before that I was, but this confirmed it. And everyone seemed to agree, hugging me and congratulating me.

"So…" Emmett still stood on the stage, "we would like to ask Brady if he wants to accept our proposal for the Vice-President position, and come up here so we can hug our little brother."

As if they could make me feel more emotional, they were considering me family, something I wished and hoped for, but couldn't seem to find. That night was concluded with a toast to a new future, and dancing till dawn broke. I thanked Emmett and Rosalie for everything, and told them how much I appreciated it. Before I could ask for a week off to go visit my mom, they already told me to take a break, and advised me to go because I deserved it.

So you figure at this point, I would be the happiest man alive. But I wasn't, something was still missing. I had money, power, and wealth, but the one thing I wanted the most, I didn't have, someone to love and share my life with. Someone to hold, and someone to hold me close at night, someone to share my happiness with.

The next day I called my mother and told her that I was coming home to visit for a week, and to her surprise, she couldn't have been happier. I boarded the plane that night, heading straight to Seattle, and then driving all the way to La Push. I figure I would buy my mom something, since I haven't been there for so long. I bought her a vehicle that would last on the roads of the reservation; a GMC Yukon, and since I didn't have my car, it worked out best to drive it to her. I didn't know if she would want it, but I hoped she would appreciate it.

I reached the reserve that night, around ten-thirty. La Push hadn't changed much since I was here last, and it was still the place I loathed. But I was here for my mom, since she deserved that at the least. I pulled into the driveway, and walked up to the front door, knocking, which felt even strange for me. She answered with the biggest smile on her face, letting the tears of happiness flow as she pounced towards me to hug me. She was still the loving, caring, beautiful mother that I remembered.

"Here!" She looked at me confused as I handed the keys to the Yukon that parked in the driveway. "It's yours."

She smiled, "Brady, I can't accept this."

"Yes you can, I want to take care of the woman that took care of me when I needed her the most. Besides, I just received another raise and I wanted to get you a vehicle that had a working heater and didn't sound like a monster truck every time you revved it." She chuckled at my hatred towards the car she still had when I was in high school.

"Thanks hon." She leaned in for another hug.

To know that I could take care of my mom now made me happy. She raised me as a single mother, always struggling with two jobs to make ends meet, so I could have the luxuries that other kids had without complaining to do so. I appreciated everything she had done for me, and it was my turn to make sure she didn't have to work another day, worrying about if she could make the next bill payment. Of course I offered her to come move to LA with me and I would get her a place, but she refused to leave her home, so I didn't force it on her, she grew up here and she was needed too much on the reservation.

I've decided that I would take her grocery shopping the next day, of course she tried to deny my offer, but I ignored her and told her to get in the vehicle as we headed into the town of Forks. Seeing the people reminded me that I did somewhat miss this place, and to my surprise, Bella, Edwards' wife's dad lived here, in fact he was the chief of police here, and I hadn't known till now. I conversed as he asked me about his daughter's whereabouts, so I let him know that she was doing great.

The day I walked into the grocery was the day I was caught off guard again, I should be used of it, but I wasn't. I was in the middle of deciding what kind of cereal I wanted, when my mom called the name I wouldn't figure I would hear here again. "Jacob Black? How are you?"

"Fine Mrs. Fuller, I just came home to see Billy and make sure he was being taken care of." He smiled at both of us, pushing his shopping cart towards us to continue the conversation.

"I swear Jacob, you and Brady act like your father and I are crippled old people that aren't capable of breathing, it's not like were in wheelchairs." She giggled. –[Quick A/N: As you may see, Billy is not it a wheelchair in this story.]- "After all, we did raise you boys."

"Mom, I think I'm done now." I interrupted, not wanting to be caught more into this uncomfortable conversation. "I promised to see Kim too today." Any excuse to leave.

"Take care Jacob." She waved while we walked away, I didn't bother looking back. "Brady, that was rude." She implied setting the food items on the conveyer belt at the register.

"What? I didn't want to talk to him, I've been trying all my life to avoid him, and I'm not giving up." I know it was blunt, but that's how I felt.

"Mrs. Fuller? Brady?" We were interrupted by another familiar voice that I was dreading to hear. Paul Lahote. The one man that I despised with my every being was bagging the groceries. I was beginning to regret this trip all together. I handed over my credit card to pay for the items before we left.

"Well hello Paul, how are you?" Of course my mom greeted him with a smile. I was in a plunder, and I hated it. I was making it an effort to avoid any of the guys from high school. "Say hi Brady."

"Hi." I said lowly with anger. I hate that even now when I was twenty-two years old, my mom still urged me to use my manners. He nodded and smiled. Asshole.

As soon as we arrived back at my mom's I explained the reason I didn't want to either talk to Jacob or Paul, after what they did to me, after they made my high school life a living hell, they didn't deserve the satisfaction. "What's next? Is Jared going to show up on our front porch?"

"Brady." She paused to pull my chin up to look in her eyes, "what did I always tell you? What goes around comes around. What they did to you, I can see that they're suffering to make things right…" before I could interrupt with my rant, she pushed her finger over my mouth to silence me, "I know they hurt you, but you have to forgive them, not for them, but for yourself. You are letting them have that power over you. I didn't raise you to hold a grudge, that's your father peeking out, and I won't have that. I want you to try and forgive them, even if they might not want it, you need to, and then you can move forward with your life. And besides, Jared no longer lives here, he's some sort of director in Vancouver Canada."

That lecture stuck with me, the one I forgot when she always told me growing up. If they didn't want the forgiveness, I was going to give it to them, for me to move forward and get on with my life. To be able to trust again.

Then Paul came over. He didn't have an excuse to be there, but my mom offered him something to eat or drink. In her manner, she always did, and she always told me to never let a guest leave hungry or thirsty. So it was her habit, it was her lesson she was taught and passed down to me, so that was the reason I was making him a sandwich. I figured he would probably be disgusted of the fact that my hands touched it, but instead he thanked me and took a bite. The whole conversation seemed odd, my mom asking him what was bothering him, his explanation was he wanted to get out of the rez, and wanted a different life, but he couldn't because he was afraid. I usually would be insulting his ability to curl up and hide from the world, but I felt bad for him.

I stayed at the table with them, since my mom insisted that I respect that we have company. So as she was getting ready to go to bed, I was cleaning up the last little mess in the kitchen. It was an awkward moment, because Paul stayed seated.

"I think you should go now." I bluntly spoke with my back facing him.

"Okay, but first can we talk?"

"About what? There is nothing to talk about. I forgave you guys for what you did to me. So are you looking to get in a few more hits before you go?" I was insulted, and I don't think I did forgive him. If this was the same Paul from four years ago, I wanted him out of my sight, and if he thought I was going to cower, I wouldn't fall to that level, so I stood my ground.

"You forgive us?" He stood up and walked to the counter to stand beside me, I flinched. I don't know why, but a part of me was still afraid, "Why?" His voice sounded distorted, almost like he whimpered the words. "I wouldn't after what we did. I admit Brady; I feel like shit for the way we treated you, and if I could take back every single act of hate, I would. Truth is…" He wiped a tear from his eye. Why the hell was he crying? "I envied you, for being able to handle everything that was thrown your way, and yet you're here facing the one person that made every attempt to hurt you, and I hated myself for doing that to you."

"Then why did you do it?" I glared at him.

"Because I'm selfish. I hated myself, and I aimed that hatred to the one person that had never deserved it. Brady? When your mom cried and felt so down the day you left, I realized it was because of what we did to you, and what killed me the most, she gave the one thing I still don't think I deserve, forgiveness. Now that you're saying that you do, I should be happy, but I'm not. I've done nothing to earn your forgiveness, and yet you can. So I want to say sorry."

I nodded. I didn't know what to think. His expression and emotion had let me know that he might actually mean every word he said.

"I've been here as much as I could to help your mom out, hoping that one day I would be able to live up to what she has given me, and I will do the same for you." I looked at him in confusion. "I don't want your forgiveness yet Brady, I want to earn it. If I have to fight off others to do so, to protect you from people like me, I will. I know you probably don't need it, but I know you deserve it."

"Paul. Just you saying this is good enough for me. If I didn't forgive you, I wouldn't still be standing here." I dried my hands before I signaled him to sit again. "So, since you gave me something I've been hoping for, and apology, I want to do something for you."

"No Brady, I ca…."

I interrupted.

"I won't hear of it Paul. I can tell you're miserable here, and I know how that feels. So here is my proposal. But first, what is it that you want to do?" I don't know why I was asking this, but I know my mom would be pleased to find that I was finally making amends.

"I don't know, anything to get my mind off this old life and try something new." He shuffled his hands on the table.

"Well… What about acting?" He looked at me strange, "I mean, if Jacob could do it, you probably can. I can get you an audition?"

"That would be great." He smiled and stood up, "Where do we start?"

"Well, I'll have to get you a room in Seattle, then you will get you an audition for a role I think you will fit." He smiled.

"Thanks. I can see why Jacob likes you."

"Wait what? Jacob likes me?"

"Shit! I'm getting he didn't tell you?" I shook my head at the shock. I didn't know that he had the same feelings, or maybe Paul was just toying with me again. "Listen Brady, there is something I have to tell you." He paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "After you left, Jacob was in the worst state I had ever seen him. When I actually brought you up in a conversation around him, regrettably calling you down, he… well… let's just say he beat the shit out of me, and Jared. We both saw that he was in love with you, and that he cared for you." He looked at me with a tear in his eye. "I shouldn't be telling you this, Jacob should, but you need to know, that after you left, a couple months later Jacob did. He told us that we were the reason you hated us, and that day I lost one of my best friends, then Jared left too, leaving me here with the guilt. But when Jake came back a couple days ago, he apologized to me, and I did to him. And I told him I would do anything to make things right with you two."

I sat in the wooden chair in shock. Was that what Jacob wanted to tell me in LA? That he cared for me. As much hate I had for him, I still loved him to my very core, and if this was true, I wanted to see what this could mean. I had to see him.

I was about to leave when Paul offered to drive me down to Billy Black's house, Jacob's dad. I didn't know what to expect, but I figured I would at least head straight into the pit of fire and hope I didn't come out burnt.

I stepped out of Paul's car as he wished me luck. I still hadn't adjusted to any of Paul's kindness, but hopefully I would eventually get used to it. At this moment, I was ready to cower and walk back home and forget about the whole thing. But I figured it's now or never, so that meant now. I knocked on the door to find that Billy answered a few minutes later.

"Brady?" He smiled and reached his hand out for a shake. I could see Jacob from the doorway; he was in the living room trying to assemble a flat screen TV with the stand. I chuckled at his confusion, so I let myself in to assist him

"It's supposed to click before you screw it in." I adjusted the forty-inch to slide down and click, pushing the screws in for him to finish the rest.

"Thanks Brady." He smiled and finished the job. Billy laughing behind us, standing with smile on his face.

"Jake and I were never good with instructions." He added. "So what brings you here Brady?"

"Umm… actually… I was hoping to talk to Jacob," I paused to look at Jacob, "in private."

"Yeah sure." He stood up and sat the TV on the stand, hooking the wires up to it before nodding his head, leading me to his room where we could talk. "So what is it you want to talk about Brady?"

"I spoke to Paul." That's all I could think about, that's all I could say. He just stared at the floor as soon as I spoke. "And he apologized to me. For everything."

"Was there anything else he said?" He clasped his hands together, still not looking at me.

"Yes." I waited for him to look at me. No response yet, "but I want to hear you say it."

"Umm…" He stood up and began pacing, still not looking at me. "I… I-I, don't know how to say it… I-I." He was stalling, and it was pissing me off. So I stood up and made my way to the door, hoping that he would spit it out. "Brady? Please? I'm Sorry. For everything. For not sticking up for you. For not being able to tell you how I really feel about you and letting you live in so much pain." He began to sob.

"So how do you really feel about me?" I sat back down.

"I've tried fighting every emotion, every feeling. I couldn't face you knowing that I could end up in the same predicament. But the day you left Brady, you took a part of me with you, you took a part of my heart." He sat down beside me, looking straight into my eyes, tears still trickling down his face. "I envy you for your braveness, for you strength to deal with what you dealt with, and I couldn't find it in me to tell you the truth. To tell the whole world the truth." He wiped his tears, "I didn't tell you how much I loved you, how much I am in love with you. I couldn't find it in me to live up to it, knowing that I said something that I regretted for the past four years, and I know I can't take those words back, but I will never, ever, ever say it to you, EVER, again."

"Jacob? I did feel hurt when you said that to me, I thought you were the only one who could make this pain go away. But that's the past, and I don't want to be stuck there. So… I want to move forward." He looked at me in confusion, I don't know why; he should know where I was heading with this. "I forgive you. I forgive Paul. I forgive Jared. I don't want to live with something that could bring me back down to a point where I never want to be. So please? Can we call it a truce and move forward with this and be friends."

"Thanks Brady." He hugged me, and I held him back. I was finally in his arms, and it felt right. "I want to say this now, because if I don't, I will never be able to." I pulled back, still holding him, and him still holding me. "I love you Brady. Always have, and always will." I was ecstatic to his words, I had what I wanted, but I didn't want to rush it. "I hope this doesn't change your mind. If you want to be friends, I still want to be."

"Thanks Jacob, I will consider it, but for now, being friends seems to be more plausible right now." He smiled and leaned in for another hug.

I was finally at the point of where I wanted to be, and I couldn't ask for more. I loved every moment of it. I took the chance, and he gave me the satisfaction. I didn't want to go home, so I asked to stay over, and just lay with him. He agreed and we slept the whole night in each other's arms. I know I said I wanted to be friends, but I still wanted so much more.

I assisted Paul in landing a role in an independent film in Seattle, then signing him to the agency where he became good friends with Emmett. So he was represented under Emmett mostly, traveling back and forth to New York, landing a role in a drama TV show.

The friend thing between Jacob and I worked for a few weeks when we went back to Seattle, and than started our relationship when we went back to LA. He moved there, without telling me that he had a couple weeks before he went to La Push. I didn't complain, but he explained that he was hoping to tell me about his feelings as soon as he returned, even if I didn't want to speak to him, he said he was determined. But the trip home made it easier for both of us.

I became more adjusted to the relationship. I preferred to keep it between us, and the ones close to us, but Jacob insisted we go public, letting the world know, in his words "The one who he loves." I was very pessimistic about it at first, not wanting to face the world, it would lead back to my high school days, but a hundred times worse. Even though we agreed we would keep it between us for a while, Jacob asked me if he could start introducing me to his friends and family as his boyfriend, I agreed. But that soon didn't last. A month later we made headlines. –JACOB BLACK DATING A GUY? - Or –WHO'S JACOB BLACK'S MYSTERY LOVE? A MAN? - And the occasional acceptable comments, -JACOB BLACK FINDS LOVE…- Or –JACOB BLACK FINDS HAPINESS WITH ANOTHER MAN-. This was what I was afraid of. I didn't want to be known as the one with Jacob Black. I wanted to be known as Brady Fuller, Vice-President to one of the most successful agencies and production companies in the world.

I adjusted to be known as Jacob's boyfriend, but it soon became uncomfortable. Due to the tabloids and our constant requirements to be apart with our careers needing us to be in different places for long periods of time. I remember the last straw when I received a phone call late one night from Jacob. He was flipping off the lid about my apparent case of unfaithfulness. It was all over the news that I was becoming intimate with Paul Lahote, a now coming up star, during our dinner out discussing his next role, and a catch up session since we last seen each other. Jacob apologized for jumping to conclusions, but that made me question the relationship. Paul was his best friend, and I was a good friend of Paul's as well. I could never do that to him. So I broke up with Jacob, and told him I wasn't ready to be in a relationship where trust was becoming a strong issue.

Another year had passed since the break-up and I've been trying my best to avoid Jacob, and it worked. He was constantly distracted with by promotions and movies, as I was expanding my options. Music and acting. I began writing songs, whatever I was feeling were written down, and picked up by a couple famous artists.

Then picking a couple acting jobs along the way. Me taken upon theses actions, it gave Rose and Emmett the idea to branch off the agency into a production company. I agreed of course. I was always behind them with every thing, for the support and my knowledge of the business. My ideas seemed to please them. So we went full throttle into the business and started reviewing scripts and hiring directors for our first production. Seeing how we partnered with other companies, we had only part of the decision on hiring the director for our first project. I came to surprise when Rose landed me a role in the production, and insisted I do it when I had my doubts, but I finally agreed to take part in the horror flick.

As if the surprises would stop there, they didn't. The first day of shooting, I was introduced to the director, Jared Cameron. I thought about the encounter, somewhat expecting an apology, but nothing. Jared wouldn't confront what happened over five years ago, and I didn't expect him to. I wasn't a main character, so filming for me only required me to be there for almost a month. I became friends with Jared. It seemed to be better to ignore it, and just move on.

Six months into my newfound career as an actor, I was casted as a newcomer for a sitcom, which coincidentally revolved around a character played by Alice. I was advised not to begin with TV acting, but I didn't care, I was happy to be going into a job everyday with my friends. I've grown fond of the cast, until my character was killed off two seasons later. I should have been depressed, but I wasn't, I had my fun with it and became friends with a lot of people during the time.

After a couple more movies and cameos, I became bored with it, deciding to take a break and just take a year off. So I did. I moved back to Seattle to get away from the public, but that didn't work. The paparazzi still seemed to find me, so I decided that I would move home back to La Push. It seemed the most plausible. I bought a house near my mother's seeing how I felt she needed me more.

I found it easier to work from home, writing and producing tracks still, and reviewing scripts for Emmett and Rose before they were approved. I was satisfied with my life, but I needed more. I wanted to find someone to love, and someone to love me.

My life was put on a halt, a fear so devastating snuck up on me. My mother became very ill. She was diagnosed with cancer. I hated the world then. Why was someone so pure, someone so caring and kind be cursed with a fate so inconceivable? It wasn't fair. I stayed by her side the entire time, tending to my sick mother, hoping and praying that she begins to recover and win this fight. I stayed with her for seven months until my life turned for the worst.

She lost. I lost.

My mother died at the age of fifty-two. I loved her so much, and she was loved by everyone became to know her. She was a big part of La Push, and I was grateful for the time spent with her. I found it hard to let go of her.

Everyone came to show his or her support. Rose and Emmett made sure that I was well taken care of, comforting me and making sure I ate something. I remained silent throughout the whole funeral. I didn't want to associate with anyone. I couldn't face this world without my mom. I missed her, and lowering her into the ground to say my final goodbye tore me from limb to limb. I couldn't hold it in. I collapsed in front of everyone; wishing and hoping that this was a nightmare I could wake myself from. But the pain was still there. I remember Jake being there, he held me while I watched my mother being lowered into our last goodbye. I didn't want to say goodbye. I wasn't ready to let her go. But I had to find it in me to grieve, and hope that I would learn from this.

Everyone gathered at my mom's for their last goodbyes, letting me know that they would be there for me if I needed them. Especially Jake, Paul, and Jared. I appreciated their condolences more than anything. So everyone left, and Rose and Emmett stayed with me for a couple of days to make sure that I was surviving. I couldn't thank them enough, and I made sure that I could at least cope with my loss. I hated that I was positioning myself to a lower state. Even though I was holding a smile on my face, I still felt like crying my eyes out.

I stayed in La Push for a couple more months before it became unbearable to stay. I felt as if there was no reason anymore for me to be there. I left the reservation after three years, trying to find a way to start life over. And hope for the best.

I moved back to Seattle. Emmett and Rosalie couldn't be happier, and I felt somewhat better and capable to associate with civilization. I needed to. I had to stop feeling pity for myself; I had to get rid of the guilt for not being able to save my mother. I was constantly reminded that I did the best I could, but I felt I could've do more.

I found that occupying myself with flooding my schedule with work. It seemed to get my mind out of the gutter, and back into reality.

I started travelling more, and back to representing Edward and Seth. I knew that I could at least get back into my routine, and find my way. It's the least thing I could do. I figured that my mom would want that for me, she deserved it.

I came to a conclusion to start a foundation helping youth and young children to receive resources and extra curricular activities in memory of my mom. She dedicated her life to the kids back in La Push, and I felt it was right to base the foundation back on the reservation and build an office slash youth center. I would make an appearance twice a month while Sam Uley and Emily Uley managed the office. They seemed closer to my mom than anyone else on the rez, so I felt it would only be right, and it helped that they were practically parents to the kids.

For the first time in my life I felt like I was doing something right with it, I was helping others the same way my mom always did. I know if she was here still, she would be proud of me, and I always made sure that she was proud of me. I couldn't be more grateful that the foundation became a success.

It was my 27th birthday, and I achieved more than I ever thought I could. I was living the life that satisfied me, and I couldn't ask for more. If I received more, I would be happy, but I don't expect more. Another celebration was hosted by Alice and Edward, and everyone showed up. To my surprise, it felt like an award show or something, a red carpet, cameras flashing everywhere, round tables all around, a stage where a table sat right across for me and my close friends to sit. I was in the center along with Emmett, Rose, Seth and Paul to my left. Alice, Bella, Sam and Emily sat on my right. The night was extravagant, decorations were exquisite, the food was delicious, and everyone stepped up to the podium on the stage and told stories about the best times we had. It reminded me that I was loved and needed to the tenth power.

Until Jake showed up, drunk I might add. I wouldn't and refused to give him the satisfaction, he embarrassed me in front of everyone. Telling everyone that he still loved me, and tried grinding on me one the dance floor. I still had feelings for him, but not when he was like this. I ignored him for the rest of the night. Said my goodbyes and went home.

Three AM Jacob called me, crying about how messed up his life was. I couldn't believe how selfish he was being. Blaming himself for the breakup, looking for pity rather than trying to fix the friendship we had. I know I played my part in this by avoiding him, but he still rubbed it in my face by always introducing his boyfriends to me first. I admit I was jealous every time, but I think that's what his aim was.

I listened to him bawl his eyes out, and rubbed my eyes from the annoyance of always being the one to have to feel bad. Until he convinced me to talk to him the next day over lunch, saying he missed me, and wanted to fix things between us. Honestly, I wanted to too.

I remember the day clearly. Jake walking into the fancy restaurant with the silver tinted biker sunglasses, leather jacket, white V-neck, and faded jeans with hiker boots. I couldn't help but stared when he walked in with the same beautiful smile that I loved and missed. He walked over to me, and pulled me up for the longest hug I ever experienced.

"Jake? You can let go now." I patted his back uncomfortably.

"I don't want to, please just let me hold you." He lifted his glasses and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Jake, what's wrong?" As if I could be more clueless.

"I just missed you," he finally let go and sat in the chair next to me, pushing it closer to me, "a lot!"

"I missed you to Jake," I smiled. "So how've ya been?"

"Okay, not the best, but okay," He glanced the menu while the waiter came to take our orders. "Coke."

"Same."

"Brady? I missed you and I can't stop thinking about you." He folded the menu and wrapped his arm around me, "please tell me you felt the same."

I nodded. "Jake? I did miss you, but I still can't get over you."

"Are you trying to?" Jacob stared at me, disappointed.

"No. I just… I don't know… I just… I-I-I don't… I love you Jake, and I hate that I can't figure this shit out. I feel so lost without you, and I can't handle seeing you with others." I had to tell him how I felt. I had to tell him the truth.

He stared at me, still wiping the tears of his caramel skin, biting his lip and trying to smile, "I love you so much Brady, and I waited for a long time for you to say it again."

"Jake? What about the shit we put each other through? I hate that I've been trying my best to avoid you al these years. It hurt so much to run from my feelings for you, it became too much for me." I paused to wipe the tears from my eyes now, "I don't want to end up in the same situation when we first started dating, I couldn't handle being on every magazine and blog saying that I was just a gold-digger, that I was just with you for the publicity. It hurt knowing that you didn't defend me, and I didn't want to force you to, I just wanted a life where I didn't have to worry about people judging me for loving you for everything you are."

"Then don't!" He said bluntly, "I'll quit! I'd rather be with you then losing you."

"No Jake. I don't want you to quit something you love to do. I would hate myself even more. I know you love acting." I stopped for a moment when the waiter approached again. "Clubhouse sandwich."

"Just a cheeseburger." Jacob implied. Then facing me again. "Doing something I love isn't worth it if I can't be with the one I love."

"I can't Jake." I tried best not to make a scene and cry my eyes out in public. "But I will always love you through all of the pain."

It was silent for a moment before Jacob began quoting something familiar to me, _'__Been a minute since I seen you, I just been killing time, Letting all these people know, That you're going' always be mine, Disappeared and reappeared, We held it down through the years, All the crazy shit we been through, Can't take no more tears, Fell in love when I first met you, Put you all on my team, Introduced you to my crew, Told you my every dream, It was us against the world, Nobody could come between, Passionate, craziness, if you know what I mean? Can't wait to get back wit you soon as I come off tour, Must of felt me thinking bout us there you are at the door, both been doing our thing, but ain't a damn thing changed, Always, remember that, Love me through all the pain'_

He was quoting one of the songs I based our relationship on, the one I thought fit it perfectly. _'Borrowed Time, I feel the same, Yes in my eyes, It'll never change, You'll always be my sunshine, Lasting through my rain, True will never die, Real love is here to stay, Even through the pain' _I whispered the next verse, well the end of it, _'Anytime you ever needed me I always came through, Took your career inside my hands and represented for you, It's just a matter of time, before we all going shine, That's real, one love, representing for mine'_

The moment was bliss, he knew how I felt, and I knew how he felt, _'And I know no matter where I may go, you will always be the angel watching over my shoulder' _Jake smiled and leaned into me, waiting for me to continue.

I smiled back_ 'Even if we're worlds apart I'm drawn to you, Baby it's ok, it's part of something we'll do'_

Before this, I would have thought this to a corny attempt at love, but it felt right. I couldn't believe that no matter how I felt, that a love like this was normal. It has its ups and downs, but it wouldn't be okay if didn't have to love each other through the pain.

"Jake? How did you know?"

"Know what? That you knew the song? I didn't" He leaned in to hug me, "it help me through depression, and I decided to tell you how I felt through it, it actually represents how I feel, and I hoped you would understand."

"Yeah… it's actually how I felt. It helped me a lot, getting through everything like the break-up, losing friendships, its… just… it kind of represents everything about me." I finished off as the waiter finally brought our food.

"So what does this mean for us?" He took a bite of his burger and hid his eyes with his glasses again.

I reached over and pulled his glasses off, "Please don't do that, I can't stand that I can't see your eyes, you know… the ones that made me fall in love with you." I waited till he swallowed his food, "As for us, umm… I don't know, I want a relationship if you do."

He smiled and reached in for a kiss, "Of course. I couldn't dream of anything more."

"Dude," I giggled, "I got a taste of your burger."

"Oops, sorry." He chuckled and wiped his mouth and took a drink of his coke.

After that day and three years later, Jake and I have been going strong. I never thought in my life that a relationship could grow with more passion and love like ours did, I seemed to love him more than the day I left him, and he continued to remind me every day. So, Jake continued with his acting, and I continued with a couple acting jobs and producing a couple shows through the company, making sure that I at least made enough time for Jake as he did for me.

My 30th birthday. We went back to La Push to celebrate on the beach on one of its rare sunny days. Jacob invited everyone while Rose and Alice took care of the catering, decorations, and invitations. It was a fairy tale come true, until Jake did the unexpected. Yeah, you guessed it. He proposed. I guess I'll tell you that part.

"May I have you're attention please?" Jake stood up beside me, smiling ear to ear. "I'd like to propose a toast."

Everyone started calming their conversations and aiming their attention towards the man standing next to me. Jake, he pulled me up to stand beside him. "As you may know, Brady's birthday is today, and I feel grateful to celebrate his birth." He looked over to me and kissed my cheek, "I am very pleased that all of his and my friends and family could be here to celebrate this day, the day that the love of my life came into this world. So… to get to the point, everyday that I spend with Brady makes me the happiest man in the world, but… I still don't feel complete." He took a drink of his champagne and pulled me to the center where a dance floor was laid out. "So I figured now would be the best time for this." He stopped and reached in his pocket for small black jewelry box and knelt down on one knee, "Brady. I loved you from the moment I saw you, from the day I saw you again in the boardroom in Seattle, from the moment I first saw you on TV, and even _through all of the pain_… And still today, I love you as much as the day I set eyes on you. Maybe even more than that, in fact definitely more than that." I couldn't help but smiled down at the man pouring his heart out to me, "Brady? Will you marry me?"

The entire crowd was silent, waiting for me to answer, "Jake? I don't have to marry you to show you I love you, but I will marry you because I want the world to know that I belong to you and only you…. So yes, definitely yes."

The crowd cheered as Jake lifted me up and kissed me. What more could I say? What more could I ask for? I had everything that I could ask for. I went through thick and thin, but the difference now was that I didn't have to do it alone. I had Jake with me now.

Three months later we married and went on our honeymoon in Hawaii. Another surprise? As if Jake could fail to have those, he bought a log house that was being built back home in La Push.

Paul married a girl he met through one of his tours, Jared is still directing movies for our company, Edward and Bella are expecting their third child, Alice started her own clothing line and is still taken on some acting jobs from here to there. Seth married the girl he's been dating since high school; they're expecting their first child. Rose and Emmett are still standing strong, and they adopted two kids and expecting their first child after trying for a couple years. Sam and Emily are actually getting ready for their oldest son's graduation in a couple weeks, and of course we were all invited.

So if you asked me where I saw myself in the next twelve years. My answer would probably be working as an underclassman at a job that I probably would hate. But nope, I went for what I believed in, and was rewarded for it. I have a career I love, people around me who love me, a children's/ youth foundation that my mom would be proud of, and a husband that makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world.

So if someone asks me if I'm happy. If I'm in love and if I will always be, my answer would simply be.

"Yes. Even through the pain."

**A/N: I hope you liked it. I had this idea dangling in my head, so I figure I would start writing it down. I want to start writing another one that came to mind, but I don't want to start posting it until "A Weird Kind Of Love" is done. So please review and give positive feedback… I'm just hoping that it makes sense, if not, sorry about that. As for "A Weird Kind Of Love," I'm still finishing it off, and hopefully post tonight, if not, then tomorrow.**

**Much Love,**

**TurnItUp03**


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